Resumes
The don'ts of resumes and cover letters.
I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.
Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.
Reason for leaving last job: Maturity leave.
Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.
It’s best for employers that I not work with people.
You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.
Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.
I was working for my mom until she decided to move.
Marital status: Single, Unmarried, Unengaged, Uninvolved. No commitments.
I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.
I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.
Personal interests: Donating blood, fourteen gallons so far.
As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.
Note: Please don’t misconstrue my 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping’. I have never quit a job.
Marital status: Often. Children: Various.
Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 am every morning. I couldn’t work under those conditions.
The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.
Finished eighth in my class of ten.
References: None, I’ve left a path of destruction behind me.
Personal Thumbnail: Exceeds expectations. Gets the job done. Can have tea with the Queen on Sunday and longnecks with the boys at the ice house on Monday.